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Six Ways to Get Out of a Negative Spiral and Create More Joy

Updated: Aug 24, 2021

Do you ever have those days where you ask yourself why is this happening to me? Or how about, why can’t I just catch a f*cking break?

I get it more than you know! I used to feel this way. Every. Single. Day. I felt like life was constantly happening to me. Like the whole world was against me and I was destined for shit, day in and day out.

Want in on my little secret about how to get out of the negative spiral that life is happening to you and not for you?

Let me preface what I’m going to share with you a bit first. Over the past few years I have developed a deeply spiritual side. It wasn’t always this way though. I used to go through the day thinking that anything bad that happened in my life was happening to me and not for me, and my greatest and highest good. It felt like the world was always against me, no matter how hard I tried or what I did.

Today, I feel connected, supported and guided all the time. Instead of seeing obstacles, I see opportunities and feel at peace no matter what is going on.

Does this sound like an impossibility to you? I can assure you it’s not. I had a hard time believing that this was possible at one time too, but it is.

Most of us don’t experience this kind of connection for one reason: we’ve put our faith in the fears of the world. We believe pain has some greater purpose; we believe real success and lasting happiness doesn’t come without struggle. These ideas are deeply rooted in us, to the point that they feel like hard truths.

But they’re not. There is a subtle-yet-oh-so-powerful shift that I made in my life (and I know will help you) to develop a new approach to life and your experiences.

Let me tell you what that is.

I made the conscious decision to relinquish all of my fears and make the shift to faith. By doing so, it has given me a sense of power in a world that all too often makes us feel completely and utterly powerless.

This transition was through guidance from Gabby Bernstein’s book, the Universe Has Your Back: Transform Fear Into Faith. In her book, she provides six essential lessons that helped me strengthen my faith and fearlessness. When my day-to-day life seems a bit overwhelming, I go back to these tips to continuously move beyond my limiting beliefs and suffering.

You might be wondering what those lessons are, am I right? Let me share them with you, which is directly from Gabby herself.

1. Energy flows where your intention goes. Each thought we have creates an energy flow within and around our physical body. This energy attracts its likeness. When you think high-level thoughts, you exude an energy of confidence and in turn attract great experiences into your life. In other words, each thought you have informs your energy, and your energy manifests into your experiences — which means, your thoughts and energy create your reality.

When you focus on positive thoughts, you raise your energy, elevate your presence and even boost your immune system. In short, positive beliefs make you feel good, and in the presence of feeling good you are very powerful. Your presence is your power, and when you dwell in positive energy the Universe brings to you what you desire.

2. Lean toward joy and you will be led

Now that you understand how your thoughts, words, intentions and energy can influence your life, make a commitment to lean toward joy and peace.

I’m going to pose some questions for you. Take a moment to reflect on the following questions. Jot down your answers in a notebook.

  • What brings you joy?

  • How can you proactively create more joy in your life?

  • How can you bring joy to the areas of your life that are not joyful?

  • What would your life be like if joy were your priority?

I spent most of my life leaning toward fear. But as I progressed on my spiritual path, I began to think, ‘What would my life be like if I just leaned toward joy?’ So I conducted a little experiment. I started to measure my success based on how much fun I was having. I went on a quest for fun. I began trying new hobbies, laughing at my small-minded thinking and going out of my way to seek joy in all situations — especially the more difficult areas of my life.

Whenever I’d notice myself getting caught up in a negative story I’d challenge myself to try to see it from a joyful perspective. I’d say to myself, “What if I just chose for this to be fun?” Asking myself that simple question in any given moment immediately catapulted me back into a place of joy.

Seeking joy doesn’t have to come only from new hobbies or out-of-the- ordinary experiences, however. Joy can come from a simple decision to see things differently. You don’t have to struggle to make your life more joyful — joy is simply a choice you make.

When you make joy your priority, you’ll notice that it’s easier to make decisions. You’ll realize your relationships have become more loving. And you’ll start to trust that the Universe has your back.

3. Ask for your sign

Here’s something that can be really fun: Ask the Universe for a sign that you’re on the right track. Asking for a sign means that you’re willing to collaborate with the Universe. It means that you’re committed to releasing your need to control how things work out and instead be led by a power greater than you. Asking for guidance is an exercise in receiving good, orderly direction that may be unrelated to what you think is right. Trust that the Universe has a better plan than you do.

How do you choose a sign? Don’t overthink it: Just pick the first thing that comes to mind. Maybe you picture an animal or a song or a book title. Let whatever appears in your mind become your sign. Often people receive signs as numbers in sequence like 1111 or 444. I see a series of number sequences daily, oftentimes 111, 11:11, 222, 333, 444, 555. Or maybe your sign is a song, a fragrance or a name.

Let it come to you naturally and commit to it. Without overthinking, decide what your sign will be.

4. Converse with the Universe

Now that you’ve received your sign, turn your desire over to the Universe with a prayer: “Thank you, Universe, for offering me clarity. Show me my sign if I’m moving in the right direction.”

Now be patient.

Try not to control or manipulate your sign. For example, if you chose the number 108 as your sign, seeing 54 as a multiple of your sign doesn’t count so don’t overreach. Your sign will be crystal clear if you’re going in the right direction — and always remember that if it’s not clear, then that too is divine guidance. Expect your sign to be so clear that you cannot deny it.

Some signs come quickly and some take time. If you don’t get your sign right away, don’t worry. You may need to clear up some personal fears or strengthen your faith before you can get it. If you’re not getting your sign right away, consider that your impatience may be blocking it, which brings us to the next step.

5. Be patient

Often, when we’re impatient, it’s because we don’t trust in the outcome. If you’re impatient, maybe it’s because you’re afraid that something won’t happen exactly as you want or exactly when you want it. Remember that this need to control the outcome stems from your lack of faith in the Universe.

When you place your happiness and safety in a particular outcome, you lose sight of a plan beyond your own. You cut off communication with the Universe and disconnect from all the infinite possibilities that can occur. The key to releasing control is to surrender all your outside needs and obsessions and remember that nothing can take away your true power: the love and peace within you.

As soon as you embrace your inner sense of peace and surrender the outcome, the Universe can truly get to work. A powerful example of this would be women trying to conceive. They obsess over when they’ll get pregnant or why it’s taking so long to do so. They track their ovulation, pee on sticks and have passionless sex, worried only about the outcome. I was one of them when I was trying to conceive my eldest child 18 years ago and having to go through infertility treatments. Interestingly, many women actually conceive just prior to the actual treatments or procedures like IVF. Why? Knowing they had an appointment on the books allowed them to relax and trust in a plan beyond their own, giving nature a chance to do her thing.

6. Welcome creative possibilities

Of course, asking for signs is just one way we allow the Universe to support us. We should also be open to creative opportunities. When we’re willing to design our life from a creative place, the Universe can come out and play.

When I’m ready to receive creative possibilities, I say this prayer: “Thank you, Universe, for transforming limitation and doubt into creative possibilities.”

You too can use this prayer when your logical mind gets the best of you, and stay open to receiving new ways to perceive your circumstances. Maybe you’ll get a message from a friend. Maybe it’ll come from a song or a book. Whatever form it takes, some sort of clear direction will be placed on your path. Be willing to let go of what you think you need and allow the power of the Universe to lead you.

These tips have gotten me through some of my most challenging moments including the loss of my second marriage to a man that I gave all of myself to but he could never give equally back to me because he couldn’t love himself, and the loss of a pregnancy with our child at the same time. Before discovering Gabby and her lessons, I would have crumbled into a million pieces. I wouldn’t have been able to get out of bed and go on each and every day, but I did.

I relinquished myself to the universe and it’s divine path and plan for me. I looked at what lessons I was to take away from these experiences. I ended up in that marriage with a man who didn’t love me because I still didn’t wholly love myself. I ended up with a man that displayed narcissistic traits like my mother because I still hadn’t healed from my childhood trauma. I attracted and manifested that into my life.

So I applied those lessons to my life each and every day so I could continue to experience joy and be grateful for where I am and what I still have today like my daughter, my health and that I get to work with women just like you every day to help them create the best life they have every imagined having.

I also trained for my transformational coaching certification that clears out old identity and belief systems and reimprints new beliefs and how one sees themselves. During this process I was able to clear out my traumas and establish these new ways of being to live my most joyful life yet.

So, practice these tips and tap into a more playful energy. Your willingness to have fun and be creative opens up your channel to communicate with the loving energy of the Universe. I’ve found that joy is the ultimate creator. When I’m not having fun, I feel blocked and stuck. My inner guidance system is shut down. But the moment I choose to realign with fun and creativity and a sense of humor, I feel energy begin to flow and tingle throughout my body. That joyful energy is right in line with the love of the Universe. This is partly why children experience far more wonders and delight than adults. Give yourself permission to tap into your childlike self and commit to unlearning the limitations of the world. When you remember your true essence — love — you will receive your signs and guidance will become natural.

If you're struggling with your mindset and self-love, join my 12-Week Path to Self-Love: Say Goodbye to Your Inner Mean Girl Program waitlist.

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