Updated: Mar 27, 2021
Gals, and guys if you're reading this too!, today I want to talk about that mean and bitchy inner critic we all have inside of us (for the sake of today's blog, I will refer to the critic as a she, but this equally applies to he as well!)
She creeps up from time to time. You know the one. She sometimes takes up a permanent residence in your head when you’re not looking.
Her self-righteous attitude evident, as she tips her nose and flips her hair, “You can’t be serious” she taunts. “What made you think you could do this?!?!”
Sound familiar? That’s your inner mean girl and I’m going to give you a little tip today on how you can pacify her.
When it comes to your inner mean girl, no one beats themselves up into betterment. The way you speak to yourself is a foundational piece of your own happiness, confidence and self-love. Your inner mean girl isn’t going to help, so it’s time to say, “Sayonara! It’s time to get out of my head because you no longer belong here!” to her.
Here’s the thing about your inner mean girl though. She’s actually looking out for your best interests. Ha! I know what you’re thinking, how is that even possible?
I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Your inner mean girl is actually your protector. Yes, you heard that right.
Here’s the deal, somewhere along the line, starting in early childhood, you developed a belief, a belief that you were defective, bad or simply not good enough.
When we develop the belief that we are defective, bad, or not good enough, we often engage in behaviours aimed at regaining control. For example, we may cling to our abusive self-critic in the belief that self-criticism is beneficial or motivating. We may disconnect from ourselves in an attempt to escape the “bad” parts of ourselves by using drugs, engaging in endless distractions, or entering a fantasy world. We might disconnect from others out of fear that they will see how flawed and unloveable we are, or because others may hurt us. We may also act in inconsistent ways, brushing things off, and acting like hurtful events don’t matter.
I have news, self-criticism is a natural part of being human, but there is an antidote. And the antidote is self-compassion. Self-compassion allows us to respond to ourselves with kindness and in turn negate some of the negative effects of that inner mean girl.
How do I do this you might ask?
The first step is to build an awareness of your self-critic. NOTICE…
“My self-critic is beating me up with thoughts that I am not smart enough, good enough, that I’m unloveable” AND…
Respond with kindness: “I made a mistake, that’s part of being human.”
Now, this may be hard and feel uncomfortable at first if you’re not used to being overly kind to yourself, but be persistent. Make it a regular practice. And if you can’t think of anything kind to say to yourself, think about what you would say to a close friend or loved one if the role were reversed because you should speak to yourself like you would speak to someone you love.
Give it a try this week and let me know how you do in the Say Goodbye to Your Inner Mean Girl Facebook Group.
Sending positive self-love vibes your way.